Saturday, April 11, 2009

Freshman Douche


The first week of my freshman year of college, my new roommate from Staten Island would not stop bragging about her alcohol tolerance, how vodka tasted like water to her, and how she never really got wasted no matter how much she had to drink. (I think we all know where this is headed.) One night she came back to the dorm totally hamboned, I mean, just fucking sloppy. She got undressed and got into her bed, then yelled non-stop "I'm dying, I'm dying, call an ambulance" for about a half an hour. My other roommate and I tried to find our RA but he was probably out molesting some other freshman because he was no where in sight. As we were debating whether to take her to the hospital, she proceeded to vomit all over the carpet, fall off her bed, roll around in the vomit, then fall asleep for the rest of the night sprawled out on the floor in nothing but her underpants, covered in her own sick (wish I had a pic of this refinement). She dropped out about 2 months later, but the smell of puke lingered in our dorm room for the rest of the year.

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