Thursday, April 16, 2009

Here's To The Nights We Felt Alive - A Vignette

A few weekends back, Harvey's Mom and I got pretty hammered. While at the bar, Harvey's Mom drank 5 caipirinhas within a one hour time slot. I had drank a bit too much rum earlier in the evening and decided to go outside for a breather. While trying to go back inside the bar, I was stopped by the bouncer who said to me in a smooth-like-butter Jamaican accented voice “As much as I like you, you need some air. Why don’t you sit on my stool for a little while and when you calm down, I will let you back in.” He and I had already established our soul kinship earlier when he let us in even though there was a huge line and we were told that was it for the night. Please, it will take more than that to stop this rock. (Speaking of which, I used to have an Aerosmith concert t-shirt for which that was the theme. It was so trashy, it was everything!)

I was let back in as Harvey's Mom came stumbling out, so we just decided to head home. It took us about 5 ½ hours to walk 6 blocks. Earlier in the night, it was joked that we might make an appearance at San Loco. The thing with San Loco is that I can’t actually eat it if I am sober. In fact, I have often thought that if I wanted to moonlight as a bulimic, I would only have to eat a taco from San Loco once a day. As we headed to San Loco, Harvey's Mom was bobbing and weaving as she walked. I, of course, decided I was not drunk, which clearly wasn’t the case.

When 10 ft. away from our destination, Harvey's Mom proclaimed “I can’t walk in these fucking shoes!!!” at which point, a hipster on the street replied “I know how that is," with Harvey's Mom then saying “Right? It fucking sucks!” Finally, we entered and ordered, me stopping Harvey's Mom from getting a Sangria. After eating a burrito and a taco respectively (of which I am pretty sure I actually ate the wrapping paper while it was still on like those kids who eat dirt and Play Doh), we left to walk the 4 blocks home. This took about 35 minutes. At one point, Harvey's Mom started going up a ramp into a store for no reason, while saying “I’m fine, I swear I’m fine.”

Upon reaching my apartment, I walked upstairs and told Nora Diniro that Harvey's Mom would be staying over. I announced “Harvey's Mom is trashed” and then fell back into the wall, which cushioned my fall. The next day I felt like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag, but let me tell you, it was worth it for the story.

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