Thursday, April 30, 2009
Let Me Make This Statement Loud and Clear: Statty's Here!
This story comes from Katherine from Staten Island, New York. Statty in the House!
"This past weekend my friends and I came into the City to go out for the night. After a couple of bars, we ended up at this NYU bar in the East Village because a girlfriend of mine had to use the restroom.
The basement, where the bathroom was located, looked exactly like a scene from 'Hostel.' It was wicked awful, lights were flickering, the floor was wet and people had on outfits from Strawberry. To make a long story short, some spiky haired asshole (from Long Island obvs) was guarding the men’s bathroom. I thought these kids were doing drugs, but all of a sudden I saw a small Asian kid who looked like a hedge-fund version of Data from 'The Goonies' run down the stairs yelling 'I gotta take a shit!!!! I can’t hold it anymore.' At this point, his spiky haired friend said 'Yo, I got this, the coast is clear, do it now, no one is in there!' and the kid responded with 'No fucking way, I don’t go in public. I got to go home to my house.' Data then stood drunkenly on the steps for ten minutes, waiting for someone to help him. It was at this moment I was so glad I took the advice of the drunken asshole outside who had looked me in the face and said 'this place is AWESOME!!!!!!'
Finally, Data ran up the steps holding his stomach, while his lady friends came out of the basement dancehall section being like 'Where’s he going? Charlieeeeee, where the hell is he going? He is too drunk, what happened, why is everyone outside the bathroom?' In Data’s defense, I wouldn’t have gone in that bathroom either. I would be scared Jigsaw or a rat might bite my ass in the middle, but man was it funny."
Thanks for the submission Katherine!
Please send any funny stories, pics, or drunk texts to firstname.lastname@example.org.