Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My First Time


This story comes from a friend who we will call PP. The first time PP got drunk was when she was 15. She and her friends decided before they would go to their awesomely cool high school dance, they would drink straight vodka next to the train tracks in Dumont, New Jersey along with wine coolers as a pre-game. (I miss wine coolers and Boons. They were simply delicious and had more alcoholic content than 151, I swear to God. I would have one wine cooler while listening to the song "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba and be shitcanned.)

So after the sexy party, they returned to her friends house where their drunk asses decided it would be HILARIOUS if PP wore a Santa hat and a t-shirt with a chimp on it that said "I Think Therefore I Am" to the dance. Jesus Christ, only a mother could love it. They get to the dance, thinking they are keeping it cool, but they reek of Smirnoff Ice and are dancing to "Miami" by Will Smith like total tards.

After being picked up by the friend's parents, they go back by the train tracks to drink more. PP told me she might be taking a bit of creative license here, since her old ass doesn't remember perfectly. The story ends with her having to be carried Baywatch style to her friend's house, where while watching Boogie Nights, she started vomiting on herself, followed by her falling down two flights of stairs. The next morning, PP's ankle was fucked up, and would remain that way for some time. She also had vomit in her hair and was forced to go to Houlihan's with her family and sit through an entire meal while she had the spins. She is now a legitimate alcoholic.

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