This story comes to us from reader Bridget D.
Freshman year in college, my roommate was Danielle from Las Vegas who just did not stop partying. She was smart and a great person, but spent all her time at the frats. She smelled like Heineken and hooked up with the grossest pledgemaster she could find.
During rush, I got a call at 4 in the morning. It was a deep male voice that frantically said "Is this Bridget?" I responded "Yes, is someone in the hospital, what is going on?" The voice answered "Your friend Danielle is here and she can't see, you need to come get her. Your friend is fucked up, she can't walk straight." I was kind of insulted that he kept calling her my friend. Would you call Trishelle from the Real World your friend?
I ran in my pajama pants to the frat. There was Danielle. She was sitting on a lawn chair with a pool of vomit below her and her right eye was swollen shut. On the walk home, she kept repeating over and over "I couldn't see, don't judge me." I answered "Judge you for what? I'm not drunk, I can't speak this language." She then admitted that the reason she couldn't see was because she was having sex with one of the frat brothers, things got out of hand, and he ejaculated in her eye. The next day when she saw me she begged me not to tell anyone. This was five years ago. I have told everyone I have met since.
Thank you Bridget!!! This is one of the editors' favorites so far. We're putting it in our Weekend Douche Hall of Fame.
Got any good stories of drunken tomfoolery? Please send them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.