Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Seriously OMG Moving is TEH AWESOMENESS

So as Burt has informed all our many readers, your Weekend Douche editors are all in the process of moving. This past Saturday night, after the big move, old Bob Wiley decided to stay in the apartment and vegetate while Nora, Burt and Harvey's Mom, the consummate weekend douches, went to a party in the East Village (I'm sure you guys have realized by now, I'm the quiet Beatle). It's about midnight at this point. Bored, crabby, and without cable television to console me, I decided to have a few beers and hang my curtains. I was standing on my bed and still having trouble, as we have high ceilings in the new place, but finally got the fuckers up. I decided to do a victory move, jumping in the air with an enthusiastic fist pump and landing Indian style on my bed, much like a 4 year old who just found out there would be 2 episodes of Duck Tales on instead of the usual 1. I think you know what happened, Mary Lou Retton over here broke the god damn bed frame. Obviously I had done an amazing job putting it together.

I decided to attempt to fix the situation. I was wearing my very favorite pajama pants and was sort of sliding around on the floor, from one side of the bed to the other, trying to ascertain what the problem was. All of a sudden I hear a loud rip. Apparently there was a nail sticking slightly up out of the floor, and said nail split my pants right down the middle. (I find the concept of splitting your pants to be the funniest thing that could ever happen.) At this point I decided I couldn't endure any further humiliation, put my mattress on the floor, and went to bed, battered but not broken. Three days later and that mattress is still on the floor, I suspect it will be for quite some time.

**Please note, that is not actually a picture of me. I was wearing underpants, I'll have you know.**

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